This is going to be me for a bit. I just got a call from my mother's surgeon that there is a compli-
cation that will postpone her surgery for another 1-2 months...I now have to call and let her know this.
After her recent outbursts in the Dr.'s office, the Dr. doesn't want to be the one to tell her. It falls to me, this evening.
My life is going to get more complicated in the next few months and I doubt that I will have much posting time, although it just might be a good place to let off steam...you know...that hang 'em high stuff.
SO...wishing PMT a lovely vacation...CA...keep drawing...WH...keep being you and do stop in here...I really don't know, at the moment, how things will work out. WM
2 comments:
WM, Nothing is more stressful than an illness in the family. It is doubled when it is your mother. No matter how many times we tell ourselves to get a grip, there is that invisible bond with our mothers that can comfort us OR drive us to drink... (is is time for that glass of wine yet?).
I do know that you have said she is emotionally difficult to deal with, but have you told us what surgery your mother was/is expecting to have? If you have, I'm sorry, but I missed it somewhere along the way.
You know that this is the place to let off steam. So let us have it when you need (as that goofball Dr. Phil says) a "soft place to fall".
CA...Thanks...as always, you say exactly the right thing...you are a good friend. My mom had colon cancer and they did a resection. she was supposed to have everything put back together on Friday and they found an obstruction that has to be dealt with and now they have put off the surgery for at least one month(possibly 2)...on top of it, the surgeon is leaving that Clinic, but wants to follow up with the final surgery. I really had a tough time on the phone with her. Fortunately she a has a care person who is is wonderful beyond belief.
My mother is a glass half full kind of person and I have come to realize that she has spent her life relying on outside sources for her happiness...I have also come to realize that I cannot be sucked down into her morass of self pity. She is still basically healthy and at 83 still drives herself to hair and nail appointments. She becomes needy when she feels we aren't paying enough attention...she is the type of person who will say cruel or mean things to people and then say she is only being helpful and truthful...I have spent most of my life trying to over come the feelings of inadequecy that was my gowing up. Living with a perfectionist to whom nothing was ever good enough was tough. When I finally feel like after all these years I have gained some freedom, I find myself sucked back down...Sorry, that sounds pitiful...
It is a constant battle to keep myself at a distance and be able to enjoy all the lovely things around me...my wonderful family and all the joyful things each day brings me...for four months from Nov to the end of Feb, when I started doing crossword puzzles, I could hardly even paint...it was like she took all of the good things out of my head. I was finally getting my head above water, and now the whirlpool starts again...I want to be a good daughter, and my 2 brothers live nearby...but it mostly falls on my shoulders and sometimes on Bill's...he is such a great guy. I am just refusing to get caught in this again...good daughter or no.
My one sister-in-law who lived with my folks for 4 mos while there house was being built was in therapy for 2 years...so far, I have avoided that. I am incredibly lucky to have a whole circle of the most wonderful friends, a terrific and very patient husband and lovely daughters, sons-in-law and even in laws on both sides...pretty golden! There is just this constant dark cloud that hangs just out of reach...always threatening rain.
Ok...sorry about this, but it feels better. Bill and I are going over tomorrow to help with a few things, then the rest of the week is mine.
I will be checking in here and will contribute as it goes...BTW...it was lovely to sit on the patio with a glass(or 2) of wine tonight while I called my brothers to update them...
I'm okay...I just get really pissy about about this stuff.
Really... I generally a very happpy person...I love to laugh and have a quirky sense of humor...I just have to remember that!
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